"Unfortunately, you are not our choice for the role". I was gutted. Even though in my head I had made the decision that this organisation was also not my choice, it still stung. No one wants to be rejected for a job. As I sat there, attempting to come to terms with this news, the manager continued to speak, offering unsolicited advice.
 
"You're young" he said. Two words that were seemingly innocent on his behalf had the ability to cut through to my insecurities. Now I could write about all the ways that this organisation screwed up in the hiring process, but this is not what this post is about. This post is about the power of our words.
 
I know many people may laugh and say being told you are young is a compliment and socially you would be right. At 42 at times, I can still look like I'm in my 20's which is not a bad problem to have. The problem though is that my whole life I have felt young. 

When I was in my 20s, a woman in Costco stopped me when I tried to get a food sample – she told me that I needed a parent with me to sample the food. I was married. 

There have been times when I have felt like people haven’t taken me seriously. I have at times felt like a child that doesn't know what she's talking about and deep down I want to be heard. I want to be taken seriously. A friend of mine laughed sympathetically and suggested I should dye my hair grey. While she joked about it - it's something I've considered!  More so, this one word played at a much deeper insecurity.

"You don't know enough"

"You aren't smart enough"

"Who do you think you are?"

All lies I know but equally have the power to destabilize me and stop me completely from pursuing my purpose.

Words matter. They carry an incredible weight, and we must take care with what we choose to say. I know I am guilty of saying the wrong words. Words that can hurt when we put them out there without much care or thought.
 
Today I feel older than my years. I feel a little tired that leadership is not always taken seriously. I'm tired of hearing stories about people who are broken because of the wrong words that have been said to them.   Leadership is a privilege and it's a big responsibility. While it is about helping an organisation succeed, the people who are reporting to you need to be handled with care. They are not some cogs in a machine. They have real emotions, and everyone has areas of insecurity. Areas that to some seem funny to mention – how loud someone is, how slow moving someone might be, how clumsy someone appears. We all have triggers from labels that can elicit a reaction. 



Take time to get to know your people. By building a relationship with them, you may learn some of their insecurities and they will come to have grace for you when you say the wrong thing. Because you will. Most importantly be careful with your words.