Early on in my career I found myself on the other side of the HR table. There had been a misunderstanding with another staff member, and we had to go through mediation. This was one of the most uncomfortable moments and something I don’t wish to repeat again but I learned something valuable about myself that day. I realised that up to that point in my life, I had an in-built assumption that people did not like me when they first met me and that I needed to prove myself likeable. This small little lie that cultivated itself in the inner working of my brain affected how I interacted with people and little social cues I picked up on throughout the day from the people around me. I would interpret a frown to mean that I had annoyed someone, or an icy demeanor meant that a person was angry with me. 

At that moment I realised that I was still looking at myself through the lens of a child and needed to grow up. I was a likeable person and most of the time the frowns and the cold shoulders had nothing to do with me – especially in the workplace. This realisation was incredibly freeing, and I began to be able to accept people for who they were and not constantly be on the defense when their mood was less than positive.

We operate with assumptions every day and far more so in the workplace. It’s no wonder because we don’t really know the team of people that we work with well so to understand how we all fit together, we can only fill in the pieces of what we don’t know with our own world view and experiences. Left unchecked these assumptions can become incredibly damaging to the workplace and can form a toxic culture. Leaders are not immune to this. We assume that someone knows what we mean by our instructions and then assume the worst when they don’t do what we asked. We assume that when someone leaves early for the day, they are trying to do the bare minimum of work. We assume that staff are ungrateful because they have not said thank you for something you did for them. The list is endless.

So how do we shut down these damaging assumptions that we form every day? Here are some things that I think can help:

1)     Start with your own assumptions – be aware of your reaction to situations and what lies you might be telling yourself about a situation? Could you be wrong? If so, try and reframe your thoughts with a positive spin. “Perhaps John left early because he started early or is doing extra work in the evening to make up the time”.

2)     Don’t be afraid to share your misassumptions with the team at team meetings. Vulnerability can open conversation, and everyone can start to recognise and unpack their own dangerous assumptions.

3)     Find a way to discover personalities together within your team. Simply understanding that we operate differently and communicate differently can shut down a lot of assumptions that we make.

4)     Don’t be afraid to clarify motivations with a person. Its better to have a difficult conversation with an employee to clarify something that you are interpreting rather than let it fester and affect the way that you see them.

Lastly, I believe that in the workplace the greatest way to quiet assumptions is through building trust. We must get to know one another, and this takes time. It takes multiple points of connections. As a leader it’s important to engage with your team. Sit with them at lunch or morning tea and ask them questions. Don’t skip the regular one on ones with your staff member. Seek to understand who they are and what is going on in their lives and create moments where staff can get to know one another. By being curious about the person who works for you and not assuming the